pole dancer

i don't know which to say first.

whether i should have written. or that i finally have some good news.

so let's start with the news and worry about the whether later.

i know jock will skip to sports.

the beginning was not what i expected. but of course i was in no position to comment.

with laproscopic surgery you have only three small incisions. with general surgery you have a major slice taken out of your gut. i have all of the above. and in spite of all of the losing lottery tickets am the luckiest ...

you know the rest.

poor joy was conscious during surgery and had to deal with the fact that this would be converted to a full surgery because of a major scarring problem from an appendectomy in 1960.

may be the only thing i have left from 1960.

and the location of the cancer was bad news. no snip snip of the colon. definitely a rectal cancer. another bad surprise.

lots of consequences from this i had not forseen. but nothing of merit until the pathology came back on monday. and the pathology is great news.

so the surgery is a success.

the good thing about being in a hospital is that you really don't care.

other than a really bad rockies game, or a certain judge's courtroom, there is no place else that takes away your will to live so effectively as a hospital.

you start with lots of pain and discomfort because you don't go there for recreation. add a few patients screaming for help at 2 a.m. as if they are dying. if i can hear them, why can't a nurse? and if you do sleep, count dracula comes by for a blood sample with your hourly temperature and blood pressure reports to follow.

and the healthiest and most appetizing food available is jello.

one person walked into the hospital seeking directions to wal mart and they gave him a fifty fifty chance to live.

i cannot express how anxious i was to get out of there.

writing was not an option.

i didn't feel up to visitors. even the phone became an enemy and went home with joy on a daily basis. after four days i finally began to be able to read.

when i am too sick to read you don't want to be around me.

but i did start a new career.

there were two areas i knew i had to achieve before i was going anywhere. i had to walk and i had to move my bowels.

after a two day colon cleanse i chose to work on my walking before testing any new equipment.

most of my friends have an image of me charging up a colorado mountain with a walking stick in hand and a smile on my face.

a bit difficult to achieve when you have blood dripping into one arm, and an IV and pain medications going into the other. all anchored to a metal pole with plugs dragging behind.

but the day sfter surgery i was stumbling down the hall grasping this pole and making the circuit just like i was getting ready for the indy 500.

it was the only thing that made me start to feel a bit better. so i just kept going.

3 or four times a day i would do my laps. by the end i was getting a bit creative with the pole. maybe there is a new career after 60?

of course a hospital gown is not all that flattering from the rear. but there were a few of the over 8o year olds in the crowd that gave me a bit of encouragement.

one friend suggested that i bring a can and have voyeurs insert coins.

i explained that my can was already hanging out and that no one was inserting anything in that direction until my next colonoscopy.

the good news is that there is no film. and there will be a future colonoscopy.

like dorothy, i am clicking my ruby red slippers and telling poodle there is no place like home.

it will be a rough recovery. with some bleak days i am sure.

dr. house will be delighted to hear i have vicoden.

but no more four day old pork loin.

pass the jello. please!