Monday, April 19, 2010

baby back tofu

it's a brave new world out there. at least when it comes to eating.

my dietary choices were never easy.

after all, i could have white meat or red meat for dinner. or both.

and then there was the troublesome issue of a t-bone versus a cheeseburger in paradise.

either would do well with an appetizer of a rack or two of ribs.

just so i left enough room for half of a peanut butter pie.

interesting how a colonoscopy changes things.

i am discovering that kale and bok choi start looking pretty tasty when you are facing surgery. and those black bean veggie burgers really aren't all that bad with some chipote seasoning.

i always enjoyed ethnic foods. and thai and indian lend themselves to a meat free diet.

they did look at me a bit funny when i tried to order beef dishes at gandhi's in denver.

i can eat tofu if it comes in a nice panaang sauce.

jimmy buffet made it 70 days in his song. i may need to amend my carnivorous habits for a bit longer.

2 weeks with no processed sugar, diet drinks, meat, or pizza. and i still have my will to live.

little did i know how good i had things.

no food for the next two days.

a clear liquid diet seems to pretty much rule out my green smoothies, to say nothing of anything that i can actually stab with a fork. and then i have an IV for a food source. followed by an always tantalizing diet of hospital food.

by the time i get back to having a plate of broccoli and cauliflower they should look like a gourmet meal at the ritz carlton.

2 more days until surgery. it will be a big adjustment for poodle. 4-7 days in the hospital if all goes well. she will be standing by the door with a tennis ball in her mouth the whole time.

and i will worry about the additional burden on joy. she has handled all this with great strength and tenderness. although i did find her watching carter on the home repair network a bit more than usual.

just a quick thank you to everyone who has been so kind to write and send good thoughts. i will have lots to read and hope to have a laptop so i can keep you posted on the cafeteria menu.

wouldn't it be interesting if they served baby backs?

pole dancer

i don't know which to say first.

whether i should have written. or that i finally have some good news.

so let's start with the news and worry about the whether later.

i know jock will skip to sports.

the beginning was not what i expected. but of course i was in no position to comment.

with laproscopic surgery you have only three small incisions. with general surgery you have a major slice taken out of your gut. i have all of the above. and in spite of all of the losing lottery tickets am the luckiest ...

you know the rest.

poor joy was conscious during surgery and had to deal with the fact that this would be converted to a full surgery because of a major scarring problem from an appendectomy in 1960.

may be the only thing i have left from 1960.

and the location of the cancer was bad news. no snip snip of the colon. definitely a rectal cancer. another bad surprise.

lots of consequences from this i had not forseen. but nothing of merit until the pathology came back on monday. and the pathology is great news.

so the surgery is a success.

the good thing about being in a hospital is that you really don't care.

other than a really bad rockies game, or a certain judge's courtroom, there is no place else that takes away your will to live so effectively as a hospital.

you start with lots of pain and discomfort because you don't go there for recreation. add a few patients screaming for help at 2 a.m. as if they are dying. if i can hear them, why can't a nurse? and if you do sleep, count dracula comes by for a blood sample with your hourly temperature and blood pressure reports to follow.

and the healthiest and most appetizing food available is jello.

one person walked into the hospital seeking directions to wal mart and they gave him a fifty fifty chance to live.

i cannot express how anxious i was to get out of there.

writing was not an option.

i didn't feel up to visitors. even the phone became an enemy and went home with joy on a daily basis. after four days i finally began to be able to read.

when i am too sick to read you don't want to be around me.

but i did start a new career.

there were two areas i knew i had to achieve before i was going anywhere. i had to walk and i had to move my bowels.

after a two day colon cleanse i chose to work on my walking before testing any new equipment.

most of my friends have an image of me charging up a colorado mountain with a walking stick in hand and a smile on my face.

a bit difficult to achieve when you have blood dripping into one arm, and an IV and pain medications going into the other. all anchored to a metal pole with plugs dragging behind.

but the day sfter surgery i was stumbling down the hall grasping this pole and making the circuit just like i was getting ready for the indy 500.

it was the only thing that made me start to feel a bit better. so i just kept going.

3 or four times a day i would do my laps. by the end i was getting a bit creative with the pole. maybe there is a new career after 60?

of course a hospital gown is not all that flattering from the rear. but there were a few of the over 8o year olds in the crowd that gave me a bit of encouragement.

one friend suggested that i bring a can and have voyeurs insert coins.

i explained that my can was already hanging out and that no one was inserting anything in that direction until my next colonoscopy.

the good news is that there is no film. and there will be a future colonoscopy.

like dorothy, i am clicking my ruby red slippers and telling poodle there is no place like home.

it will be a rough recovery. with some bleak days i am sure.

dr. house will be delighted to hear i have vicoden.

but no more four day old pork loin.

pass the jello. please!

what an ash!

any t.s. elliot fan knows the world will end with a bang.

but did you really think your trip to paris would be cancelled because of a volcano?

not exactly the end of the world. but no one wants ash in their creme brule.

it is hard to focus on the story in this country because it has not changed the efficiency of the i-pad in new york city. and you can't make a volcano dance with a star.

but in europe it is a big deal.

thank you for not smoking.

but airline officials are smoking mad, apparently limiting european air space to extraterrestials did not sit well with those in the industry who look at the bottom line as being worth exposing a jet engine or two to volcanic ash.

not a big deal to me at this point. when you are not yet allowed access to a honda del sol, the next flight to brussels is not a high priority.

all i want is a chance to start walking multiple blocks at a time.

sounds like the doctor won't be an obstacle.

he will still not allow me to pick up anything heavier than a check at a restaurant, but walkling is fine.

no driving, but i can be a passenger. as long as the air bag doesn't deploy.

scoreboard to date for those who are turning in late: sigmoid colon gone. 2/3 of rectum gone. smile remains in tact.

got the staples out of the stomach area friday. no swim suit centerfolds anytime soon for yours truly. but if you get an old video of bride of frankenstein you will get a pretty good idea of the handywork.

and now it is on to the tumor board.

tumor board?

conjures some interesting images. kind of a stock exchange for cancers. buy low. sell high. as far as i can tell, my surgeon will take the pathology results before a group of surgeons and oncologists who will then opine on future course of treatment.

i may be a bit skeptical knowing that there is a financial motivator in approving chemo and radiation. and no down side to the board. but off we will go, and the results will be shared with me at my next appointment on the 28th.

i'll find out about air travel to luxembourg at the same time.

i remain optomistic that neither treatment will be necessary. and extremely grateful that i am healing and have avoided a colostomy bag and a more dire prognosis to date.

i will continue to send updates to everyone and appreciate all of the ongoing thoughts and best wishes. it is a tough process, but it all could have been so much worse.

after all, i didn't buy that scenic lot in iceland.

i'll take taxes

nothing certain but death and taxes?

needless to say, i am paying my taxes today with a smile.

the alternative really sucks. no one on one with the grim reaper for me, but that hospital pork loin and jello made things real enough so that i am not about to complain about sending money to washington this year. and i think i'll skip the whining next year as well.

one bright side of the birther movement and intellectual heavyweights like michelle bachman is that there aren't lots of undecideds out there these days.

everyone has a politician they can detest. and they are proud of it. not many people have pictures of rush limbaugh AND rachel maddow over their beds.

glenn beck and keith oberman are not going to prom together anytime soon.

and either sarah palin or tina fey will 30 rock your world, but not both.

but today i am feeling quite patriotic. this is arguably a day when being an american is toughest. unless you have something against hot dogs and fireworks in july.

but there has always been a price to pay for freedom. sending a check is the easy part. too many families have paid in dearer coin.

and my family pedigree goes back to a father and mother who sent me to montgomery alabama in 1965 when i was days away from my 17th birthday to see martin luther king speak at the biggest civil rights rally ever held in the south.

my country. may she always be right. but right or wrong, my country.

who knew that a guy who was at the washington monument in 1969 would still be weepy at times watching them play hail to the chief and seeing barak obama appear not carrying a tray of dishes. i don't delude myself into thinking that my friends all share my political philosophy. sometimes i'm ornery enough not to know what that philosphy is myself. but i'd like to think that today we can find something we can agree on.

scarlett says in that great southern accent, "death, taxes, and childbirth--there's never a convenient time for any of them." if we can survive an inconvenince like the civil war we should be able to prefer taxes today to death. no matter what the political commentators say. i know that it will be an easy vote for me. and i can't say that very often.