the avatar diet

i went to avatar saturday. it may have changed my life.

not the plot, which was entertaining enough, although a bit predictable.
nor was it the technology of making a movie that is certainly well beyond my powers to comprehend. and it wasn't the theme, although it was interesting to see people rooting (pun intended) for the trees over the military.

it was the hidden message that most people who saw the film missed. the potential for the new avatar diet. it could make millions.

didn't see that coming? i agree that it was a bit subtle. but you couldn't miss how thin everyone was in the movie. it helps being 12 feet tall to be sure, but it was pretty certain that they were downright skinny. after all, in a very expensive movie they certainly didn't waste lots of money on clothing allowance.

and what did they eat? the only clue was the shooting of the antelope thing. obviously a high protein source. and that's it. no wheat fields or rice paddies. no munching on veggies. it was pretty apparent that they weren't going to be cutting down those trees for tilling the soil.

so meat remains as the apparent life force for these folks. dr. atkins would be so proud.

and no one looked unhealthy. no heart attacks from clogged arteries. no need for high cholesterol medication. not a single moment of the film wasted on health insurance reform.

just skinny people on an all protein diet. throw in the high exercise quota and you have my dream life. run everywhere and charcoal broil a porterhouse at night.

the movie will make somewhere in the neighborhood of a zillion dollars. but the real money is in the marketing. avatar sipping cups. avatar action figures. a resurgance in bows and arrows.

so why not an avatar theme park and diet center? with americans fascination for quick weight loss plans how could it fail? spend your day swinging on vines and running across tree limbs and get rewarded with several pounds of steak.

i'm not sure how 3-d golf courses and tennis courts will work, but we will throw them in along with a nice lake or two for the swimmers in the group.

everyone will be blue with envy. maybe we can't make people taller, but we can slim them down and send them home with their own spear for those who can't run to the grocery store and back.

and then we will have avatar protein bars, avatar running shoes, avatar tree fertilizer. beats the heck out of practicing law. and i will need to have sigourney weaver as a consultant. not exactly a negative.

as usual, send all support and donations in cash to my website: payforstern'snewporsche.com.

i can't wait to have our new corporate headquarters.

all i need to find is a really really big tree.