st thomas versus st croix

you can't spell caribbean without a sea. you can't spell ocean without the grating roar of pebbles which the waves draw back and fling at their return up the high strand (my apologies to mathew arnold).

some thoughts while watching the sun come up over the ocean on my walk-run this morning. it is difficult to look out at the ocean without developing into something of a philosopher. changing appearance without colagen. dead still one moment, eight foot waves the next. a constancy that makes the events on this darkling plain where ignorant armies clash by night seem much more trivial (apologies to arnold the pig and the colorado rockies who seem to prefer to go gentle into that good night (games). my morning routine has included a walk or run (or both) daily pre 7 a.m. not everyone's idea of retirement i'm sure, but it has been quite pleasant as well as beautiful.

speaking of beauty, at the risk of losing paying readers, i must again expound upon the sight of the jet black standard poodle streaking across grass so green that ireland is put to shame in chase of the various sea birds that have settled down for a grass and bug buffet. her grace and athleticism in pursuit of tennis balls on land, ocean, and swimming pool are the things that dreams are made of, but nothing compares to the unfettered joy of her racing back and forth between the birds and me as i waddle down the road at the pace of the local slugs. if i ever figure out how to use modern technology i will try and capture this experience on film for those who have not yet figured out plane schedules to st croix to observe in person. it is quite the sight.

it has occurred to me from some of the questions posed by readers (not the one that started "why do you waste your time writing this s__t) that some of the mainlanders do not understand or appreciate the relationship between st thomas (known to locals as stt) and st croix (known to locals as irving r. feldman, but i will use the initials stx). to fully comprehend the situation you must read two great historical works. the first is cinderella, aka this stupid glass slipper is not as comfortable as a birkenstock, or my prince has come, but it doesn't mean he cares if i do. the second is romeo and juliet, a play adapted from the musical west side story. stx is cinderella. she has beauty, and has married well by joining up with prince hovensa, who owns the largest oil refinery in the western hemisphere. unfortunately, stt has taken over most of her money and refuses to give her control of her own life and sends her off to clean the toilet bowls and scrub floors while stt goes down to the docks and hustles cruise ships as they disgourge thousands of sun burned tourist types in search of the perfect over priced t shirt. the relationship between the two islands makes the montagues and capulets look like best friends headed out for a kentucky fried chicken picnic with pina colada chasers. money is generated on st croix and spent on st thomas. even though each island has 7 senators, virtually all government business (and spending) is located on stt. thus the discrepancy of 15 prosecutors on stt, while stx has 4, all waiting for better options such as ice berg spotter on the titanic. the population size of the two islands is virtually identical, and stx is almost 3 times larger. but stt is like the local bully and keeps taking the lunch money from stx. there is an independence movement afoot on stx, but it is not looked on kindly by stt. this is made even more interesting since the family names on both islands are identical, and one would think that they would get along. but the situation seems to get worse instead of better, although promises of change are an expected part of the dialogue and every administration is brought in with great promise for finally giving stx its due, only to give it the shaft instead. any resemblance between this and george bush as president is for all of you to figure. but it makes for an interesting political landscape, and at least partially explains the worn out expressions on government employees on stx.

i do not believe in making social commentary without offering solutions. i am therefore recommending the forced relocation of every individual on stt to new jersey beginning immediately. the governor could leave first, as a positive example, followed by the 15 senators. the cricket team could stay. cruise ships docking in stt will be confiscated and sold to the polish navy. in order to assure that the transition goes smoothly, i will establish personal head quarters at the lovely beach at megan's bay. send coconut and banana rum please (another product of stx). enough for now. there is one bright spot. gas is 70 cents a gallon less on stx. now it only costs me a thousand dollars to fill my jeep cherokee. i miss the del sol. if you can't send cash, send gas coupons. _________________________________________________________________