the first writing from st croix

it has occurred to me that if i wish to describe myself as a writer that it is incumbent upon me to occassionally write something. my most recent works seem to be limited to a change of address form and and a grocery list with a kurt vonnegut influence. i have questioned whether these actually qualify as literary works. but after seeing recent screen play adaptations for movies, i am sure that my attempts are legitimate. after all, even the rubiyat of omar khayam may have started as a grocery list. a loaf of bread, a jug of wine ...... who knows? and even shakespeare in richard the third "a horse, my kingdom for a horse." might have been on his to do list right above "bring home prune danish for lady ann."

i may not be writing, but i have been thinking about writing. it just seems to be one of those things where effort is involved (although see reference above to recent screenplays). and effort is definitely more difficult to generate here in the caribbean. it is not a coincidence that many of our "great literary works" were written in cold places. put shakespeare in the british virgins and the dialogue would be "should i write hamlet today or go to the beach with this mango that just fell off of the tree." the world would have been a poorer place indeed if it were not for those primitive conditions and no mtv.

now i realize that i probably offended the southernors amongst you who hold with faulkner as america's great contributer to literature. and i do have a fondness for patrick conroy. but you must remember that while the weather is warm in the south, you are not allowed to do any activities except for occassional recreational lynchings and cross burnings. and when you do go out, you must laden yourself with seven layers of clothings, includings petie coats, girdles, umbrellas, hats, and high heels. and that's just for the men. no wonder a night out wearing just a white sheet had such appeal. but the point is that writing was a possibility there since there was nothing else to do and computer games had not yet been invented.

but here on st croix, the opportunity for distracting activities are numerous. there is a hamock next to the pool. i have spent enough time in the hamock that i now think my bed sways back and forth. and since hurricane season has not yet begun, i am probably wrong. in the last few weeks i have played softball, golf, tennis, hiked, snorkeled, walked, ran and went swimming, although not simultaneously. playing softball with fins might improve my style, however.the point is that in a place in which doing nothing is a national pasttime and socially acceptable, there are just too many things to do. add movies, guitar, books, and the ever present and remarka ble poodle and it seems that sitting down at the computer for more than determining how the rockies lost that evening is just not likely to occur. but i will try and be more diligent since it is possible that at least one person out there remotely cares about what i am doing. if you find out, please let me know immediately.

for those keeping track (and not wanting slim shady's telephone number (or prison number), i am still esconsced (i haven't figured out spell check on this computer) on st croix and enjoying my career as a writer (otherwise known as unemployed). friday was my last official day of work and i was on vacation. we did hire a young woman for the office who has only been waiting five months for her nopa to get signed by the governor. and then after she had moved here and not been able to work for over a month, the nopa was signed and she began working. but they haven't done the paperwork to allow her to actually practice law yet, so she watches and thinks about lawyering. her fiancee, who is also a lawyer and desperately wants to be a prosecutor has been deemed unworthy of working at the high professional standards of the st croix office. so he will take the bar and get paid twice as much in private practice. two of the four remaining lawyers will be gone in the next few months, so it should be interesting. last one out turn off the lights. my job search is a lot like my writing. i find it more productive and rewarding to think about it than to actually engage in the activity (no sex jokes here, please). i did have a delightful discussion with the people who are in charge of one of our private academy schools. very bright and pleasant young folk with a daughter who is going into 11th grade. i expect they will offer something at wages somewhat less than poverty level. but i do have the option of taking poodle and dark sun glasses downtown and selling pencils to supplement my income. or i could do mediation and work with lawyers. please send pencils. i am still looking at private practice with jock back in montrose as my most likely and logical alternative, but he has been insistant that i buy back into the rockies tickets if i return. and he has threatened to play golf with me. there are some other government lawyer possiblilities out there, and i am not saying no to any propositions (except slim shady). i just am not saying yes. after all, the sun is out, the ocean beckons. i have been running daily for two weeks without significant knee pain, tennis tournament this weekend (although i probably won't participate in the davis cup try outs that were advertised in the newspaper. i don't see that happening on the mainland). so keep writing and i will always reply. for those of you who don't reply, i will delete you from my mailing list and sell your e-mail addresses to some appreciative business that specializes in penis enlargements, low mortgage rates, or this really great new weight loss plan. oops. i forgot that you already get those emails. and some of you may prefer such e-mails to mine. i love being classified as junk mail. it is a step up.

i am off to motor vehicle today to get my car registration updated. this may be a novel in its own right. this yearly process which is frequently done by mail in those jurisdictions not needing to employ nieces and nephews at motor vehicle, is one of the dreaded "you can't get there from here activities on the island." people pay folks $50 to go get their registrations for them. these ads appear in the paper regularly. it is not just that they are slow. it is a challenge to get there on a day when everyone (or someone) is working and will actually acknowledge your presence. if you don't believe me, please reread "don't stop the carnival." it is historical fact that when columbus landed on st croix he went to get the registration for his boat and never found the east indies. jimmy hoffa was last seen registering his limo on st croix. amelia erhardt stopped here to register her plane. you get the idea. so if i end up in limbo, plese feed the dog and water the plants, or the other way around. and leave the lights on for me, please.