don't ask don't tell the supreme court to relocate

i was asked to write two columns. sex in the military (ssshhhhhh) and the supreme court going down the rabbit hole in their decision to allow monopoly money to be used to finance political campaigns.

sorry, but the sun is out, temperatures should be around 80 today, and my computer is inside the house. and my tennis racket is waiting.

so i will leave you to your own imagination as to how free speech became an excuse for a "buy your own senator" promotion by big money interests.

the abandonment of don't ask, don't tell is pretty easy.

only heterosexual males belong in the military. like george bush serving with glory in the national guard.

after all, alexander the great is reputed to have leanings towards men and he never went anywhere with his military career. conquer the world? sure. but you never heard about a big bowl victory in the army-persia football game.

and do you really expect that will and grace are going to serve in the military with the current design of the uniforms? i don't think so. won't we at least have to add a little color?

we are still suffering from the decision to let women serve. joan of arc may have had a moment or two, and zenobia did okay against the romans. but the israeli army allows women and everyone knows what a failure they have been. many a syrian has made fun of how ineffective the israeli women are. of course they usually have a tank parked on them at the time of their merriment.

sex has no place in the military. that is why our troops have practiced abstinence in the past so successfully. just check out the local strip clubs or hooters when the fleet comes in. no military people at those places when church and pure thought are available as alternatives.

people have to prove their worth to get to serve in such exotic locales as afghanistan or iraq. let gay people get the chance to join up and it is only a matter of time before blacks and jews want to join. and then where will we be?

let's get the focus back where it belongs. think john wayne. who cares if an interpreter speaks the local language as long as they don't want to marry someone of the same sex in iowa.

and if we need a few extra troops, let's draft the majority opinion side from the supreme court and send them to kabul. and if people want to know where they have gone, i have the perfect response: don't ask, don't tell.